List of Ways to Save the Planet from Global Warming.
1. "Reduce, reuse, recycle."
Self explaining.
2. Use less heat.
Better dig out that sweater.
3. And use less AC.
Ignore the fact that the temperature is 105ยบ Fahrenheit. Dig out that old hand fan. It emits less Co2.
4. Drive less.
Walking is good for your heart.
5. When driving, make sure your tires are properly inflated.
I’ll buy the tire gauge.
6. Pollution from factories is also a factor.
No, they don’t care that it’s your job.
7. Don’t take the airplane.
No one can explain to me how I’m supposed to get from the U.S. to England. Perhaps by boat.
8. No fossil-fuel powered ships.
Rats. Now I’ll have to swim.
9. Use less hot water.
No enjoying a long hot shower, either.
10. Turn off the lights when you leave a room.
Hey look, it’s ‘no, duh,’ moment. And I don’t for the sake of the planet. I mean for the sake of the light bill.
11. Install more energy-efficient light bulbs.
Once again, I mean the light bill, not the planet.
12. Lower the temperature on your hot water heater.
Learn to take cold showers while you’re at it.
13. Unplug electrical items when not in use.
Of course. Because we can all dig around behind the TV to take care of that. (But it is good for your light bill.)
14. Run your dishwasher only when it’s full.
I’m just gonna sit here and point at the light bill.
15. Buy locally-grown produce.
It’s good – for the local economy.
16. Install a low flow showerhead.
There you go, ruining my shower again.
17. Carpool.
Why don’t you just take the bus while you’re at it?
18. Change your AC filter regularly.
I’ll let this one slide.
19. Change your vehicle’s air filter.
Whatever.
20. Add more insulation to your home.
This is good for your heat bill.
21. Install a low-flow showerhead.
This is good for your water bill.
22. Buy credits for green energy.
I refuse.
23. Buy Energy Star appliances.
Light bill.
24. Switch to a tank less water heater.
Water bill.
25. Make your next vehicle fuel efficient.
Wow, think of all the money you'll save on gas.
26. Use recycled paper.
They don’t make it in notebook form. Therefore, it is of little use to me.
27. Buy goods with minimal packaging.
Show me something in the local store that’s over packaged.
28. Reduce garbage.
I want to roll my eyes…
29. Replace old appliances.
Of course. Because I absolutely have money I can go out and blow on a new dryer. Not.
30. Use a push mower.
My yard consists of two and a half acres. You mow it.
31. Switch to double windowpanes.
Heat bill.
32. Use cloth bags at the store.
Whatever.
33. Turn off your computer when not in use.
I’m only going to be gone for ten minutes. It’s not worth it.
34. Eat less meat. Vegetarian is good for the environment.
No.
35. Buy organic food.
Do you know how much ‘organic food’ costs?
36. Insulate your water heater.
This must go back to heat bill.
37. Grow plants.
Now that's creativity for ya.
38. Ride a bike.
It’s good for your heart.
39. Use washable cutlery at the office, instead of paper and plastic.
Of course. Because we all have time for washing dishes while at work.
40. Inform your friends and neighbors.
Insanity loves company. And neighbors will love hearing ‘You’re destroying the planet by leaving your outside lights on.’
41. Don’t let your car idle in cold weather for longer than two minutes, this contributes to Global Warming.
Once again, whatever.
42. Keep the doors to rooms you aren’t using shut, so energy used to heat that room will be saved.
You forgot to mention that we should close the vents in those rooms, too.
43. Share objects like ladders, tents, books, and other things with friends and neighbors. This reduces energy used and pollution created to make these objects.
I’m sorry; Cynical Book is the only book I’m willing to loan out to you.
(But look! I’m ‘politically correct’ ‘cause I put on the internet. Now, ask me if I care.)
44. Plant a tree.
All that sweat equity will pay off someday.
45. Take some weight out of your car trunk. Every extra 100 lbs. increases gas use by 1-2 percent.
100 lbs? What do you think I’m carrying back there, Mt. Rushmore?
46. Use a clothesline instead of the dryer.
Think of all the cash you’ll save by doing that. (Coughlightbillcough.)
47. Switch to green power.
I’ll let Al Gore go first.
48. Buy fresh instead of frozen food. It takes energy to produce frozen food.
So tell me, how much does fresh corn cost in January?
49. Conserve forests.
No comment.
50. If you spend hours on the road each day trying to get to work, move closer to work.
Sure, let’s take out a mortgage.
51. Use water efficiently.
I sigh.
52. Quit breathing. That releases Co2 into the air.
Yes, I freely admit I made up #52. No one will be responsible for you if you're dumb enough to do that. While I'm at it, I'll admit I added number eight. it makes sense when you figure that the idea is to stop co2 production. However, everything else comes from a myriad of sites that had lists of different ways you could help stop global warming. (Google it sometimes. It's nuts out there.)
Some of these are crazy. I can't think of anyone I know who carries around 100 extra pounds in thier cars trunk. (#45.) However, many of them will help you save money on your bills. (Numbers 51, 46, 42, 20, and 14, to name a few.)
So there you have it. 51 ways to help 'save the world.'
'Til next time.
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